I'm back!! okie i will blog about my birthday dinner with recess friends, with my family and my hong kong trip soon ya. quite soon ya, i will really find time. now is time to chiong my sch work. haha.. i have been slacking. yes i know. i told myself i will finish my work by friday! which is tomorrow. yes i will. okie now gotta write my creative brief and hand up to my creative director! will put pics up soon!
i will blog about my birthday celebration with recess friends soon ya. my com's running out of batt, and i'm lazy to plug it in. haha.. so ya, will blog soon. love you all! my birthday's coming! :) yay!
Today I had my ambassadors interview, it was fine, actually considered good. haha.. Cause they did not ask me many questions compared to the rest. I don't know why but thankful, they only ask me about my tennis and my commitments. So that was about it. Ended quite fast. I was bored today so wanted to go out. Supposed to play tennis with Abigail, but poor girl got grounded by her daddy. So can't play in the end then asked Josc out, but she was going out with Noelle, well, she still asked me along. haha.. I wanted to surprise Noelle, but in the end she wanted Josc all to herself today, so last minute Josc said I can't come. Sad. I was all changed and ready to leave the house already. Oh wells, I ended up calling everyone, but everyone was just busy with either studying or already out with their friends or busy with their own stuff. End up watching TV at home again. I have been doing that for the past few days already. I know I have to do my work, but I just have no mood and just plain lazy. I know I should be scolded for this, cause I tell people that they have to do their work, then I myself not doing my own work. I think I need to do work with people. I just can't motivate myself to do. I NEED MOTIVATION. See, it's all talk and no action again. I'm always like that, I need to change man. Blehh...
Anyway, I need guidance for my spiritual life. I just can't seem to contact Grace. Messaged her, but no reply. Call her, but no answer. It's getting really frustrating, not being able to contact her. It's like I had people to guide me last time, then now it's like I'm left alone. No one that I can really turn to. Karen is not like Grace, if some of you get what I mean. But I actually don't think your know what I mean, but never mind it's for me to understand can already. Then Derek is like already super busy, cause he's an elder in church, with super huge commitments for his family, and he's going to become the chairman of the church soon. So who else can I turn to? I wanted something or someone to guide me and constantly teaching me about God's word, but there's nothing and no one. Wanted to join YFC to help me last time, but there's no one to sort of mentor me. So now I just try to learn by myself, though I don't think I'm learning that much as compared. Now I'm just trying to attend seminars and courses that teach God's word. Trying to learn as much as I can on my own. Though I still think I need someone to guide me along. Oh wells, now I just pray that Grace will contact me soon. She's like the only one I can turn to, but I think she's just really busy. Maybe I need a new mentor. Haiz.. I just need someone to guide me. Oh God, please send me someone to guide me, I really need someone to guide me and teach me. I don't think I can learn all by myself. Please help me, Oh Lord.
These are the Year 2s who helped out to organize TGIT and the other HIVE events. They are super crazy people who knows how to have fun.
This is one of the TGIT event that I was involved in that kept me busy too. But it was all fun and sad, cause it was also Salim's farewell. This is the bunch of people who were helping out. Super funny people, they are the people who also made it all fun with all the laughters and jokes.
But I must admit, the late nights were due to my lack of planning. I did not plan my time well, did not prioritise my things well. That's why I suffered badly. My school mates were telling me that they did not see me slack until like this before, they said I always do my work and will be the one of them who finishes first. Oh wells, I need to focus!
Anyway, my title is I DID IT!
Because firstly, I did my first biathlon! I was really happy that I finished it, and I thought I never will be able to finish it. haha.. But before the biathlon started, I prayed and asked God to give me strength and perseverance to finish the biathlon. When we started swimming, it was still alright for me, I was the first lady to finish swimming 12 laps. Then ran over to the tracks to run 8 laps. Well, maybe some of you know that I hate running, especially long distance. So the running of the 8 laps was difficult for me. As I was running, I kept asking God to give me strength and perseverance, I told myself that I'm doing this for God and I must do my best. I kept reminding myself non-stop. I did not think of how tired I am but just kept thinking that I need to do my best for God. My legs were really aching but I persevered cause God helped me. It was Him that helped me through it, if not seriously, I will not be able to finish the whole biathlon. It was really a very "WOW" experience for me, I never felt so happy before! When I finish it, that was how I really felt. I was filled with the happiness I never felt before, it was because I did my best for God. It was the happiness of doing my best for God! I never felt this happy before, nothing could beat this feeling, NOTHING! When I was going home, I kept singing praises to God while walking home. Nothing could stop me, it's really WOW!! I really thank God for helping me to persevere through, so that I can do my best for Him. God is good!
Secondly, I did my first official worship leading. It was really scary, but overall good. It is by God's grace that I am able to get through it. I was so afraid that day, but I prayed and asked God to calm me and help me through. And God did. I was really happy, cause if it was not for God, I will not be able to lead the congregation in worship. Praise God! But I must also thank God for giving me the chance to talk to Isaac who told me to write out what I was going to say during worship. I would have been lost for words if I didn't write out, because on that day I was totally reading what I wrote from my notebook, I was so scared. Really thankful. Karen and Derek also helped me through the preparations, they kept telling me that I will be fine and not to worry so much. Karen kept telling me that I'm ready for worship leading and Derek helped me through jamming. I did a one on one jamming with Derek, well, cause it was Family Day so it was a informal worship and we only can have guitar. And of course I asked Derek to play for me. I was really thankful that he took time out to jam with me. For worship I focussed on perseverance, cause from my uncle's synopsis of the sermon the thing that struck me was perseverance. I also did some sharing during worship about my own experience on perseverance, which is my biathlon. After worship, Karen, Derek, Eu Jin, KT, all said I did well and it was good. When i jammed with Derek the day before, he gave me the shocked look. haha.. He was like wow, then said: "Its very good, you are prepared!" I was so relieved when I heard him say that. But worship is not over yet so i was so scared. haha.. After worhip, Karen gave me the 'I'm proud of you' look. haha.. Karen even prayed for me before I started. Really happy. I think now Karen is going to ask me to do more worship leading, since her tummy is getting bigger and visible. Oh wells, I'm really scared, scared that I'm not able to lead the congregation in worship and focus on God. But I know God will help me through, and put many people along to guide me too. I thank God for what He has done for me and how He have been guiding and helping me along.
Thirdly, I managed through all my assignments and events held in school. It was a really tough term for me, I have a major assignments that I have to create my brand identity. I spent most of my time thinking about my brand identity, that's why I had little time to execute the work. But overall I am still proud of my work, I really like it. I didn't know I could come up with that. I also had many HIVE events to plan and work on, that partly distracted me from my work, tennis also part of it, biathlon, church also, and that included worship leading. Knowing that I had to do worship leading was really stressful. I had to do my best for God so I spent quite a lot of time thinking about it, kept praying and worrying about it. Though I know I should not worry about anything, but I just can't help it. Ahhh.. that's one thing I need to work on. Oh wells, I was able to manage all these is because of God's help. I knew I was very behind time for everything, so I was so stressed, and I kept praying and asking God for help. I know it was due to my mistake that I did not plan well, and I needed God to help me. I am very happy that God did not forsake me even when I was wrong. I really thank God, it was Him that helped me through, and I think I started depending on Him a little. I'm still learning and trying to surrender everything and every aspect of my life. Even every single small thing. I'm still trying. Maybe God gave me so many things until I can't handle cause maybe He wants me to depend on Him. Can that be a possibility? Maybe.. I hope so. I have been praying that God will help and teach me to depend on Him. I really pray that this is what that is happening. I will pray and wait patiently for God to answer me, but I know I have to constantly seek Him too. I will..
Well, these are the 3 main big things that happen to me, all these are with God's help. I would not have accomplish all these without God. I also have been asking God to keep unhappy thoughts from my mind, it have been for a few months already and it's still haunting me. ahhh.. just stop it, I want all those thoughts to stop flooding my mind and make me all upset and thinking more and it just make me more upset. ahh.. But God is good, off and on He keeps it out of my head, whenever I start thinking, I will pray and think of God. I will remind myself what God has done for me and why He done all these for me. He wants me to learn, He wants to discipline me. I would have never learn so much about God if all these never happen. All these happen for a reason and God planned it. So my responsibility is to trust and just depend on God. Please pray for me as I go through this, it is really tough, but I will persevere, that's what God taught me. I am glad that I'm going through all these actually, but it's just mentally challenging, really tough. God will give me the best, it's not up to me to decide who I want or what I want. It's up to God to decide and I trust Him.Anyway, after going through so much, my birthday is coming!! I'm half excited and half not. I'm excited because I'm turning 18! I can go learn my driving finally and can officially drink, though I occasionally drink, but you know it's the "legal" age, like I'm certified allowed to drink. But not to worry, I'm not a hardcore drinker, in fact, I actually find that I don't really like the taste of liquor, I'm serious. Among all the alcoholic drinks that I've tried, I still like white wine the best. haha.. Weird but true. So don't try to make me drunk, I will not get tempted by liquor. If some of you know me well, I'm not easily tempted or influenced. haha.. And I'm proud of it. haha.. I can finally sign up for driving!! yay!! I have been dreaming for this day! I think I'm taking private lessons. My schedule is super hectic, I can't book one month in advance for my lessons. It's really difficult. Even booking my dental is a headache. haha.. So private can book like one week in advance, it's also cheaper. I'm also excited for my birthday because I'm meeting my recess gang to celebrate my birthday. After so long and we get to meet. The last time we met everyone was in some relationship, now is like everyone is either falling apart or are already apart. Really saddening but the recess gang is still strong in friendship. Recess friends rocks! I had to plan my birthday this year, irritating. We always plan for the others then I have to plan for my own, maybe cause they take it as I'm having a party. haha.. But I always do. I'm always up with something. But this year, I don't have the mood to plan and besides I was very busy and don't have the time. So yes, no party, though I wanted. I love parties. I'm celebrating my birthday earlier, like on the 12th June. Cause I'm going to Hong Kong on my birthday! It's a last minute decision actually, cause my dad have like free points from Krisflyer so we get 2 free tickets to fly to Hong Kong. I wanted to go alone actually, cause nobody wanted to go with me, I wanted to explore Hong Kong on my own too. Like just myself, I get to sort out my thoughts and learn to be independent. Cecil is there so I can like find him, and Ali's going too, but with her family. But now, my mum worry so my sis is going with me. Well, its a good thing, at least I have someone to go Ocean Park with me, if not it will be boring. haha.. My objective to go Hong Kong is to go Ocean Park and shopping. haha.. I need my rollercoaster. You know people said that as you grow older, you become more timid. haha.. So I must take my chance now to take all the rollercoasters. haha.. Hong Kong trip is indirectly my birthday present from my parents. haha.. Though I made them bought a lot of things for me already, this is also counted. haha.. Hope this trip will be good. I will meet up with Cecil and Ali when I'm there. Oh yes, by the way, did I mention that I'm staying in the same hotel as Ali. haha.. It's coincidental, seriously. Ali was like eeekk I'm seeing your face everyday. hahaha... Super funny. But YAY! Hope we can go to Ocean Park together too, but she has to spend time with her family, so I can't disturb her so much. I'm so excited for this trip now.
Oh wells, so many things have been happening, especially mentally for me. My head have been thinking non-stop, even before I sleep. Every night trying to self-talk myself out from the upsetting memories. Sometimes it gets so bad that I have to ask God to help me sleep, so that my brain stop thinking. I guess it is really difficult to forget. Anyways, I think I have talked a lot already. Tomorrow I still have ambassadors interview at 10am. This year holidays is not really holiday. Every week I have to go back to school at least twice, either cause of training, if not for school stuff. But God is good, all the time.
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
