oh wells. i have been thinking a lot, but not about that, dun worry. After what happen, i really want to know God more. It's really through this incident that i have learn a lot. i would say the most in my whole 17 years. i learnt that God have everything planned out for me. now, what i have been thinking a lot is joining YFC performing arts. Karen have been talking to me and ask me to join too. in the past i always wanted to join but did not dare to take the step. but now, im really interested to learn more. through YFC i think i can really learn, cuz they do bible study and also train people in music. i mean its really good for me cuz im also attending the worship workshop in my church, so this will help me. i have done a few worship leading too and i really want to improve in worship leading. and i also want to grow spiritually. but of course im scared cuz im worried my parents will not let me join cuz they may think it will be a waste of time and i will not be able to concentrate on my studies. but i think i can. i dunno. im very confused now. i need to talk to someone, maybe from YFC, so i will know the commitments needed. so that i can also prep myself. but it's also very weird to join cuz isaac is there. but i told myself if i join is because i want to learn about God and not because he's there. im just afraid that i will not be ale to convince myself. but IM REALLY INTERESTED. i really wanna learn more. i want to make joyful noises to God! i want to improve my singing so as to praise GOD at my best! ahhh.. i dunno what to do. i pray that God will give me an answer soon. i want to join before school starts. maybe i can join the poly ministry too. so that i can learn to reach out to others and share God's word. that has always been my weakness. afraid to share God's word and i want to share.

another thing that i have been thinking about is about worship leading. Karen told me that she thinks im ready for worship leading. of course she explains to me why she thinks im ready. for me, i really dunno. im dunno if God is asking me to worship lead in church. i dunno if im ready spiritually, i dunno if i can lead the congregation in worship. though i have tried but thats cuz i had help from others. not saying now i dun have help but its just different, i dunno how to explain. oh wells. but i really thank God that i have been doing my quiet time. it became a habit. after talking to Karen on sat, i really felt...... i dunno what word to use but i was really happy that i talked to her. she encouraged me a lot. and told me lots of stuff too. now im confused again.

another thing she asked me to consider is baptism. i really did consider, but again i dunno if im ready. but as she said baptism is just an action of confirming your faith. what's most important is in your heart, if you have accepted God as you personal Saviour. but as usual im scared of parents' objection. i have so many things to pray about. i hope that your will pray for me too. really appreciate. i will leave all these to God and just trust Him. cuz i know he will guide and lead me to whatever He thinks its the best.

God is good, all the time!